one day, when he is finally brave enough...

November 2082 (mini-update) - Hayden Phoenix is 33, Piper Wilson is 28.

One day, when he is finally brave enough, Hayden sits down to talk to his wife. Almost three years have passed, and he's never done this alone. The cemetery is empty, but still he looks around to be sure he's really alone. He is. There is nothing but the wind blowing through treetops, cold and subtle as whispers.

"I feel like an idiot," he starts, easing himself to the ground at her grave. "My therapist thought this might be a good idea."

"So, the girls are growing up fast," he says. "Ryanne is in junior high now, and Summer graduates this year. Ryanne is okay, I think. I think we were all angry at that age. She was so little when it happened. I don't know how much she really remembers. I think I'm more worried about Summer most of the time. She just seems so drifty right now."

"I just don't know if I'm doing this right. I don't know what to say to her. She's a woman now, and she wants to be in charge of her own life, but she crashed her truck, and she keeps talking about not going to college, and then she breaks up with her boyfriend. I wish I had some answers for her, but I don't. I was never a young woman - that's what girls are supposed to have moms for."

"Sometimes I think you would have done a better job with them. I mean, I can buy their tampons, and make sure they get their vegetables, and milk for their bones - girls need calcium, I read that in a magazine. But I'm not their mom, and sometimes they just need a mom."

"That isn't what I'm doing with Piper. I know she won't be a replacement, but sometimes I don't think they believe me. She makes me really happy. And sometimes I think, without her, I would be even more lost than I already am."

"My therapist says... Heh, can you even believe that, I have a therapist? Anyway, she says I have to stop feeling guilty about trying to be happy, and trying to move forward. Since I didn't choose the way things are, and I can't go back to the way things were."

"I don't know if there's jealousy in heaven, or if you feel anything at all where you are. I wish you could meet her, Piper. She's crazy! Not in a bad way, but in a funny way. She says the craziest things sometimes, and it's like she really has no idea how weird she is, and I love that.

She loves me. She's been so steady. Which you would never guess if you took her at face value, but underneath everything, she's steady. And I love her. I really do. And I'm sorry if that bothers you. Everybody says you would want me to be happy, but how do people know what you would want? I guess it's a nice thing to believe."

"And another thing, I'm really sorry about what happened after you died. I was scared, and so sad, and I was a coward about it. I'm ashamed of it, and I know I have our girls to take care of. They need me, and that won't happen ever again, I promise you.

Anyway, why I'm here finally, I guess, is that I wanted to ask you something. But I guess there's no way you could say yes or no either way."

He gets up then, and looks around again. There was no one here to see a thing. He goes, the weak November sunlight on his cheeks, and somehow, he feels warmth.

***

"You mean to tell me," he says to her. "You've lived here your entire life and never been to Bradcliff Towers?" He says this like he's already lived his entire lifetime in the space of thirty-three years. Most of the time, he feels like he has. But she's young, in spirit if not in age, and there are a lot of things Piper hasn't seen or done yet.

The building is old, at least a hundred years old, built long before even Hayden's own grandparents moved to Lake County, and not even very tall. You'd have to be born here to love it like they do. People from larger, real cities, scoff at it like a silly tourist attraction.

"It's not a real palm tree," he tells her. "Palms can't grow in this climate."

She doesn't turn her head, but just smiles, not at him, but for him, looking out past the fake palm tree, past the buildings, to where the shore meets the land. She gets why people love it here.

His fingers linger there at her belly, his arm wrapped around holding her close to him, as if the rail in front of her were made of paper and she might actually fall through it.

His fingers graze her wrist as they turn away from the open space, keeping hold of her, as if a sharp breeze might actually take her away.

He wraps his arms around her. "You must be freezing," he says. "We should go back inside."

"I'm okay," she says. His body heat is plentiful. She doesn't feel cold at all.

And he'll gladly keep her warm. He'll consider it his job. He'll make it his life's mission that she never feels cold ever again.

They sit down when their table is called. They're outside, heat flowing from the open room and wasting out into the night. They have drinks and dessert. Tonight is special, he told her, but he didn't say why. The timing is off - they had something of a two-year anniversary in September. She can't guess what he's up to, but then, she does have her hopes.

He did this once before, so long ago he was in fact still a boy. It's scarier now that he knows what life is and the things that can happen. It's terrifying.

But she's broken his heart wide open since she found him. He can't imagine how his life could move forward in any other way. He says, "Piper, would you marry me?"

He lets her bask in this a moment - he knows she's been waiting. And he has a pretty good idea what she's going to say...

Something strange and perfect. "I've been waiting to marry you since I was born," she says. She smiles down at her hand. "It's beautiful. It's like starlight."

She'll die one day, and he knows this. We all have to die some time. Eighty would be a good age, ninety would be better. She wants to see her grandchildren, and he wants to help her do that. But it isn't up to him, and he knows this as well. He's taking the risk, even though she might be whisked away by a sharp breeze when he isn't holding on tight enough. He's taking the payoff as well, of having his heart broken wide open to be filled with her starlight.

He didn't know if he would ever be ready, but he is, one day almost three years later, Hayden is finally brave enough to hold on for life again.

*****

notes: I never did get a marriage or engagement want from Hayden before he popped the question, but what I did get was a whole lot of thinking about it! A lot of times it was a happy thought, and he walks around with a grin on his face. Then sometimes he thought about it so hard and seriously he couldn't even pay attention to her juicy gossip!

I find it abundantly clear that he was just terrified. But he's ready as he'll ever be, and he went for it. Being a family Sim, he should roll up a marriage want eventually now that they're engaged. I think they'll have a rather long engagement, maybe. I don't know, Piper has been rolling up baby wants for years now! Long before she even had someone to have a baby with, lol! I feel like I have a ton of weddings to get scheduled this round and early in the next - this one, likely three more I can think of, as well as 4 non-playable weddings. Wedding overload, people!

LOL, then I realize there's a war going on in this story, and don't people always want to get married and have babies in war time? :)

Anyway, given that Piper got Ryanne's slight approval at that sleepover, I also decided that he would want her to move in with them, so she has. That will be a whole adventure of its own ;)

*** outtakes ***

Piper just wanted to say his therapist has done such a wonderful job, just look how nicely he's shaping up! :)

This is what Hayden was really talking about at the cemetery... his best friend, Chad, lol!