on the safe side, part 1

January 10, 2084 - Ryanne Phoenix is 13, Summer is 19, Hayden is 34, Piper Wilson is 29.

Soundtrack: "Because of You," by Kelly Clarkson.

It's boring being grounded. It's the middle of winter, but there's no deep snow on the ground, not that she'd be so childish to go sledding, or skating with her sister the way they used to, the way they'd find some frozen puddle in the field, no matter how small, and get their skates out. Most of the time, the thin ice just cracked under their weight, breaking through to one inch of water and soggy winter grass. It was fun for a minute. Back when they still lived in Bluewater, back when their mom was still alive.

But otherwise, there's nothing to do here in the winter, and Ryanne was bored. So she stopped at the CVS on the way home from the bus stop and she did this. It turned out mostly pink, and a little bit green too. It wasn't a statement. It wasn't a rebellion, or revenge, or hatred for anyone. It was just something to do.

Her dad didn't get too angry, he didn't shout or pull out his hair, the way her grandmother would have, the way parents on movies do, the way she thought he would. He just stared at the hair, stammering and wringing his hands. "Uh, you're grounded," he said.

"I'm already grounded," she spit back. The utility closet, didn't he remember? Didn't anyone in this family remember a goddamn thing?

"You're grounded more," he said, pointing up the stairs to her bedroom. He had no ferocity in his face, but she knew he meant business when he stepped toward her, to lift her off the ground and carry her to her room, the way he did when she was a child, her rigid and tense as a plank, him strong and sturdy, like he was trying to lift a bug.

Would he now? Could he still lift her? She wanted to be a child again, but the stubbornness in her wouldn't have it, so she reached out to smack his forearm. She was bigger than she used to be. Where her smacks used to roll off his arm, now he drew back, wincing at the sting on his skin, damage in his eyes, sadness for their weird and broken family.

"Don't go to your room then," he said.

"Fine," she said.

But when all was said and done, her room was the only place there was to go. So she went anyway.

Before long, she hears a thump on the wall, her dad banging that her music is too loud.

She stands to turn it down.

She leaves her room to watch TV downstairs. After all, he did say, Fine, don't go to your room.

But sometimes she wonders if she'd be better of in her room anyway.

Their sweetness together is vulgar. The house is tense and uneasy. Piper has been living with them for a year now, and Ryanne didn't know what it would be like. She hadn't known what to expect. She wondered at first if they might have fun together, but they don't. She wondered if they might be friends, but they aren't.

Sometimes it's like she isn't even here with them. Everything is becoming so different. Summer is in college now, and they barely see her. Her dad is getting married in four months. And it's no mystery that those extra bedrooms they wanted in this house are going to be for babies some day. It's not just disgust, or unease. It's more like panic. More like being erased.

There's a rumble outside, the sound of her sister's truck announcing itself before Summer has even pulled it into their driveway. It's even louder since she crashed it, hairline cracks in the muffler casing, not serious enough to replace.

Ryanne feels saved when her sister comes. She rushes to the front door to meet her.

Summer steps inside, and of course the hair is the first thing she sees. A smirk spreads across her face. "Nice haircut, squirt."

"I got in trouble," Ryanne says, though it hadn't really been the hair her father was maddest about.

"Are they making you dye it back?"

"Tried," Ryanne says. "It won't come out." Summer steps inside, sliding her coat off her shoulders. "I did it myself," Ryanne adds.

"It's not bad," Summer says. "It brings out your eyes."

Summer laughs and asks, "What's for dinner?"

Summer goes happily into the kitchen to help Piper with the dishes as she makes dinner. She shouldn't, Ryanne thinks. She's an accomplice to the crime. The two of them talk, like they're friends, and it just isn't right. How can Piper just slot into their mother's place? Like her dad could just lose one wife and pick up a new one, like shopping for a new car because the last one got totaled.

It made her angry. And it made her angrier that she was starting to forget her. What did she used to smell like? How did her voice sound? She has pictures, but none of them are close-ups. She can't make out the color of her own mother's eyes. What color were her eyes? Not Ryanne's color - she has her grandmother's eyes. Not gray like her dad or her sister. They might have been kind of blue.

That's what her mother has become now, a foggy memory, some vague shade of blue.

At dinner, Piper's pork chops look like charred ruins.

Ryanne sits back in her chair, scooted back from the table still like she has no intention of touching the food. "My science teacher says eating burnt food causes cancer."

Their mouths drop, simultaneously. "Ryanne," Summer shrieks.

Oh right, they don't say the c-word around here. Double-whammy, they don't talk about Piper's bad cooking either. But her dad, with his mouth full of burnt food just covers his face to hide a laugh - see, he knows. He turns to Piper then. "It's not bad," he says with a hand on her arm.

But no, it's bad. It's awful.

Piper never talks back, never defends herself, she only stares at Ryanne like she was something foreign, something to be figured out. The concept was simple here though. Doesn't anyone remember before this, when things were normal. Doesn't anyone remember anything?

Hayden clears his throat loudly, hushing their giggles. "Summer," he says, "How's school?"

"Fine," she says shortly.

"There's a housewarming party this weekend," Hayden adds. "Can you be here?"

"Sure, after I close up the shop, I guess."

"Good," Hayden says. "Everyone missed you at New Year's."

Summer swallows her food, having no answer back for that. It was true, she was missed. Maybe Ryanne had missed her most of all. Especially with everything going on with Aunt Nessa, the whole family is on edge, especially their dad and grandma Sophie.

But nobody really talks about that out in the open.

This family is full of things that nobody talks about.

*******

footnotes: (Hayden takes a step forward // Ryanne wants to remember // Summer // Ryanne is grounded, and Aunt Nessa)