Summer's place, continued, part 2

July 2082 (part 2 of 2) - part one here.

*** optional soundtrack, "Not As We," by Alanis Morissette ***

He's been lounging around the house lately deep in thought. You'd think he might be giving up the gaming industry to become a philosopher or something. But he decides this morning, just as she's leaving for work, that he'll finally wake up and come bounding out to the garage to stop her and say, "Hey, Summer, wait up a sec'."

He says, "So hey, I was just wondering what you girls really think of Piper?"

"You want to talk about that right now?"

"Or whenever," he says. But he means now, she can tell it.

"She's okay," Summer says. "She's nice." But then she becomes stunted as she realizes what this conversation is about. She's almost sure what he's going to say next - he wants to marry her, doesn't he?

Piper is fine, she's funny and really pretty, and she makes him really happy, but for Summer, it would officially mark then end of the family she grew up in, disassembled beyond repair.

He says, "She means a lot to me, and if you guys don't mind, I'd like to have some pictures of her in the house."

Summer laughs, and says, "Pictures?"

"Yeah, like on the wall," he says. "What do you think, about pictures? Do you think I should have some? Of her?"

This isn't about pictures. And she isn't sure, but it kind of feels like he's asking her opinion if he should marry his girlfriend. Their family was never a very normal one even when it was assembled.

"I don't mind," Summer says. "You'll have to ask Ryanne though."

Her father - sometimes it feels weird to say that. He's so much a child himself still, and this girl he's in love with is only nine years older than Summer is, they might have met each other and become friends in some other lifetime. But he is her dad. She could be one of those girls who calls him by his first name if she wanted, but she doesn't want that. He's her dad, even when it doesn't seem like it, even when she's working just as hard to take care of him most of the time. He takes care of her in ways he doesn't realize.

Sometimes she thinks he would do better not to think of her as his daughter though, then he wouldn't feel like such a broken old man. He says he's happy, but he still talks about it, the death. It doesn't go away, as much as they try to bury it. They push it down, and it keeps resurfacing.

"I have to go," she says. "I'm late."

"Okay, be careful, wear your seatbelt, don't drive near that lake, okay?" He waves his finger around as if that particular lake was just outside and not twenty minutes away. "You don't, do you? You can park on Main Street, you know. You don't even have to drive down that way."

"I know," she says.

He's an emotional kind of man, her father. He says quite openly, and often, how destroyed he would be if he ever lost either of them. "You girls need to be careful, you know, if anything ever happened..."

"I know, Dad. I'll try not to die."

Sometimes it's not really funny. Maybe it's not the kind of thing to joke about, but what else do you do? This thing that happened to them can't be reversed and it can't be washed away. There's only forward, and healing and coping, and sometimes she doesn't know how she would know if they were doing it right or wrong.

So she gets in her truck and drives off to work. He didn't want her to buy this truck, but she's had her license for two years now and he can't find any real reasons she shouldn't have it. It's an older model, big and strong and sturdy, not like they make those new little efficiency cars these days. But still, every time she drives it he stands there as she goes, watching her drive off down the street, as far as he can see. She wouldn't be surprised if he even stays there a minute after she's gone.

Summer's Place is doing well in its first week reopened. So well, in fact, she actually needs to hire help. And the weirdest thing is that the kid who applies for the job is only a year younger than her, and she has to tell him what to do, which also means she has to know what to do in the first place.


His name is Elijah, and he noticed the help-wanted sign when he was shopping in here the other day. But he already knows how to run a cash register, and he can make toys too. Another layer of weirdness is that he's boyishly cute, which is a completely different kind of cute than Tyler, and yet another one of the infinite reiterations of male cuteness.


But to be honest, she actually likes having a guy around the shop. Although Tyler would gladly camp out here all day long, she can't really have that. And some of these dudes are a little creepy, staring all googly-eyed at her while Elijah rings up their purchases.

They give her shivers, all these men, young and old. She feels like she's been living in a bubble or something. Surely there must be one single man on this planet who finds her ugly. Even just one?

If there is, she hasn't found him. Even Elijah seems to be taken by her. But he just laughs at all her admirers - that's another thing about Elijah, he's even a different kind of charming than Tyler is, but charming just the same. He says, "It's definitely the smile."


She says, "I'm not even smiling!"

Her grandmother is teaching her about merchandising and pricing, and she even encourages her to raise the prices a little, since they can't even keep the shelves stocked! She says, toymaking is a kind of art, and people should be prepared to pay a little more for custom-made products.

She's still helping out at her grandmother's catering business too, in the evenings after she closes up the shop. She'll help out just this one more year before she goes to the city for college. Though there's hardly any work to do right now. The summertime evenings mean everyone is out grilling and not many people need catering, except for the occasional wedding now and then. So she and Dallas sit out on the patio drinking lattes and talking about their fledgling little lives.

He's got everything figured out, this boy! He's got a plan for everything, he knows everything, and he's so smart, she wouldn't be surprised if each of those plans always pans out. It's a shame her grandmother is going to lose both of them next year when they graduate.

Dallas isn't the kind of guy she would ever imagine herself being friends with if not for Lucy - Summer has to admit, popular as she is herself, she doesn't have the wide open heart Lucy has. But he's her best friend's boyfriend, and after working together for three years here at the shop, talking when they don't have customers, friends is exactly what they've become.

He's easy to talk to, trustworthy and honest, and if anyone might understand her situation, he might, since surely his own monumental life decisions would be a little easier if he didn't have a girlfriend to tie him down.

She asks him, "Do you ever feel like you need to see the world through your own eyes for a while? You know, just be yourself and not a part of a couple?"

"I like being in a couple," he says. "She's my soul mate."

Who talks like that, she wonders? But she says, "But how do you know? And how does she know? If you've had, what, like one girlfriend before?"

"I just know. But besides, I like seeing the world through her eyes," he says. "Have you ever seen her eyes? They're like chocolate."

"And it never feels like a duty?"

She thought he would understand, but instead he just looks baffled. He says, "No, I don't think it's supposed to feel that way."

***

As much help as her grandmother has been, there eventually comes a time she has to do this on her own. Her grandmother has her own job to go to, and her own business to run. Not to mention a family to take care of, and her own children, even if they are grown men, still need her help most of the time.


But Summer manages. Elijah is a wonder on the cash register, and she handles sales. It works. It's almost like she knows what she's doing, or at least nothing has gone horribly wrong yet.


And they must be doing okay, because her first day on her own, she gets a great review.

And when things slow down a little, she sends him upstairs to make some toys, until she learns to make them a little better. She isn't shy in the least, but she doesn't even know how to ask him, "Um, could you make me some Clown-in-the-Boxes? Because we need them?" She feels nervous, like maybe she thought he would say no?


But he doesn't, he smiles and says, "Sure thing, boss."


She suspects maybe he is flirting with her. Maybe a guy could be completely in love with her and it would go right over her head, since she's had her head wrapped up in Tyler her whole life.

But Elijah leaves no mystery to anything, as most guys his age would. He just comes right out and says it. As she's upstairs to check up on his progress, he blurts out, "This is a little weird, isn't it? I've never had a boss so pretty."

"Well, don't worry about it," she says. "I've got a boyfriend." She feels flattered, but also forced to mention Tyler, just so everyone is on the same page. She isn't sure Elijah is her type, but then, she isn't even sure she has a type. She's never had the freedom to explore it.


"Your boyfriend's a lucky guy," he says. It's meant to be a compliment, but it only makes her angry. This is going to keep happening, again and again. If not with Elijah, with someone else, someone she meets here at the shop, or at school, and there are even cute guys at the damn farmer's market!


Dallas was right about one thing, it shouldn't feel like a duty. Maybe it's supposed to flow the way it does between those two. Lucy is part of his every thought and in the background of every sentence he speaks, whether he ever says her name or not.

She waits for Tyler out back that night. There is a little playground built behind the store that was meant to host birthday parties.

She has to do this. They've always been so honest with each other. She doesn't want to start sneaking around now. And she doesn't want to put him in that position where he would be tempted to sneak around. She wants to believe that they're above all of that.

He used to say they were too young to be so tied down. At fifteen he said that, and sure, who knows what the hell they're talking about at fifteen? But maybe he did. He said they should date other people too, they should be young and free. But she pushed him into this relationship. She pushed him, and he found that he liked being in a relationship, that it suited him, that it made him happy. But why was she in such a hurry to be so serious?

As much as he tells her she is enough, she wants him to be sure. She doesn't want to be the reason for his regret. If he's missing anything from this lifetime, she doesn't want to be the cause of it.

When he finds her there, she kisses him long. He is a great kisser - that much she does know. And the thing about knowing is that she thinks maybe he is the one, her "soul mate" if there was such a thing - but is it so wrong to want to be sure?

But that wasn't a normal kiss, and he knows it. He says, "What was that about?"

She says, "There's something we need to talk about, about next year. I think since we'll be apart anyway..." She's searching for the right words, as if she could wring them out of her fingers. "Well, there just won't be a better time than this for us to see what else is out there. I think maybe we should take some time on our own. And maybe see other people."

"I don't want to see any other people."

"Maybe you just don't want to say it," she says.

"You want me to be different?" he says. "What is it?"

"No," she says. "I don't want that."

"I don't mean any of the stupid stuff I say. You know that."

"Tyler, it's not about you."

"That's just something people say," he says.

"I know people say that," she says. "Because sometimes it's the truth."

"I think it's something we need," she says.

"I don't need it," he says. "We're happy, aren't we? I'm happy. You make me really happy."

"You'll regret not knowing what else is out there."

"I won't, I promise."

"Fine, I'll regret it, is that what you want to hear? Is that what it'll take?"

He falls apart, from solid disbelief to shambles. He falls apart, disassembled beyond repair, not like a man, but like her best friend who has just been torn apart. She doesn't know why, but she didn't expect him to react this way. She expected anger, or denial, but not the crying, and not the desperation. More than anything, she feels clueless. She has no idea what she's doing.

"God, Tyler," she says. "Stop."

"What do you mean stop? How can I stop?"

"You're making this so hard."

"Don't do it if it's so hard," he says.

"I don't understand this," he says. "We can date people, if that's what you want, but you don't even want to see me? How can we not see each other?"

"I just want some time on my own," she says.

"But time on your own, with other people? How can you just stop caring like that?"

"I do care," she says. "I care a lot, and maybe after some time I hope we can be friends again."

He's never shouted at her like he does now, "You're not just my friend, Summer, you're my fucking life!"

When she flinches back, it is out of instinct, but his out-thrust finger stops there in the cavernous space between them. His mother raised him right. And besides, this isn't about anger, but the end of the world as he knows it. Anger will come later. Anger will be unleashed on an unsuspecting wall or he'll beat the stuffing out of a punching bag until his fists are bruised.

"I'm sorry," he says, hanging his head, letting the rage fall out of him. "This isn't up for debate, is it?"

She doesn't respond one way or the other. He turns around and goes.

But he stops at the sidewalk and turns to her one last time. "There's nothing else out there," he says. "Whatever it is you think you want, I don't think you're going to find it."

She locks up the store. As she drives it starts to rain, light at first, becoming heavy intermittently.

She's headed in the direction of home, but she isn't sure that's where she's going. She was always in the habit of walking over to Tyler's house when she needed someone, and now she doesn't know where to turn. As far as her friends go, Tyler gets dibs on Beau and April, and Lucy is most likely happily cuddled up somewhere with Dallas. The drive from Bluewater to Lakeside Heights is twenty minutes of torture, twenty minutes of nothing but reflection on exactly what she's just done.

It rains on and off, the windows sheeting the water, the wipers rocking back and forth in a steady and somewhat soothing cadence. It's 11:00 at night and the roads are empty and dark.

She didn't expect him to take it so hard. She feels so stupid, because why wouldn't he? This is the kind of thing that changes people. This won't be just a break, this will be broken. She was naive to think she could just stick him on a shelf and take him back later. If he ever forgives her, it won't be the same man she gets back.

Some time as she enters Lakeside Heights, she feels the panic. She can't make sense of how it could be a mistake and yet so necessary at the same time. She forgot to say she loved him. How could she forget so say that? That she loves him hasn't changed. She needs him to know that. And she didn't say she was sorry either, but she is. She's so sorry.

She digs her cell phone out of her purse and tries to call him but he's not answering. She tries again, and again.

Then the phone slips through her anxious fingers to the floor and she can barely see through tear-sodden eyes to find it. She can barely see the road through the rain, and if none of this is a mistake, then why does she feel like the ground is slipping out from under her?

She hits the brakes hard, but it doesn't stop the truck from sliding off the road onto wet grass, just feet from the ponds at Shadow Woods Metropark. But she is stopped, front passenger corner crunching hard into a willow tree.

She is alive - or at least her heart is still beating, and her lungs continue to breathe. Thanks to her father's incessant worries, she was wearing a seatbelt. She opens the door and staggers out. Steam pours up from the radiator and hangs in the misty air.

She can't go home, even though she's only blocks away at this point. How will she explain this to her father - the rain, the tree, this stupid mangled truck that he never wanted her to have in the first place?

Later, her neck will hurt, and tomorrow she'll find her collarbone bruised, but right now she doesn't feel the flesh wounds. What she feels is that the world is too big, and she's lost in it. Right now, she just wishes she had a hand to hold. She leaves the truck there steaming, and she starts to run. She runs back through the woods, and up the hill to the Lakeside Heights Memorial Park.

It isn't fair that this is all she has left of her, a once warm and vibrant woman now reduced to cold stone.

Since it happened, she never really cried about it. She never took the time to stop, to think about the finality of it. Not just that the family she grew up with is fading away before her eyes, but that her mother is never coming back. There are so many questions she never had a chance to ask. There are so many answers she doesn't have.

It's crippling. It crumbles her, the pressure of all these choices. How many mistakes could she make? How many ways could she destroy her life beyond repair? She's just trying to figure it all out. It's like she's attempting to navigate her life, in all its complexity and significance, with some badly written manuals and vague instructions from the internet. How do you become a grown woman, a functional human being, without anyone there to show you?

"I don't know how to do this," she pleads, her voice echoing on granite and falling mute to the earth.

By this, she means life.

But life goes on, at least for most. What else can she do but just wing it, as best she knows how?

*****

notes: Sick to her stomach, no joke! She started rolling a fear of breaking up with him as I was mostly finished shooting this second part, like she knew it was coming. She's never rolled that before. But by then, it was kind of unstoppable. It was like she wanted to take it back, but it was too late.

I do realize the Summer/Tyler romance has been going on for a LONG time - over five Sim-years, and almost a year in real-life time - that's a lot of complex history between these two, so I hope all their motivations make sense and feel believable. I even thought about making you up a little cheat-sheet of all the posts relevant to them, but it ended up being like 20 posts, lol!
So sadly, folks, however it ends up, this officially marks the end of the seduction by noogies, because you know, grown-ups don't do that kind of thing. *Sigh,* I'm going to miss noogie love, a legendary love story if there ever was one! ;)

Which is not to say though that this is an entirely closed case - I don't know exactly what is going to happen to them yet, but I've said before that these two are going to have a hard time escaping each other. So we'll just see this as an end to their innocent and naively full-hearted teenaged love, which I think all young couples need to go through (sometimes in the form of a breakup, and sometimes not) before they can mature.