author's note: fish and the bird

*warning: this is a final author's note on the ending of the "fish and the bird" storyline, and is meant to be read after you've read the whole story. This will contain BIG HONKING spoilers! ;) *

I wasn't sure if I should write something for this or not. Haven't I said enough already? But there were a couple more things I wanted to talk about. And then I got going and it turned out there were a lot of things I wanted to talk about.

if anyone's the real home-wrecker:

It would be me, right? I mean, all of this is happening in my head, lol!

I know nobody wanted to see her actually leave Matt (oh, you guys, I do know it!). And when I first started writing this, I never thought she would actually do it either. I honestly thought she and Corbin would have a nice friendship, maybe they'd eventually sleep together or maybe they wouldn't, and eventually she'd find there was nothing there and end it.

But that isn't what ended up happening.

And when they actually fell in love with each other (and I don't mean a silly love heart in the game - but when their characters fell in love, for real), believe me, I was like OMG, WTF, you guys CAN'T DO THAT!!!!! I yelled at them, STOP, Do not pass GO! Do not collect $200!!!!!

Because do you realize what a mess of a story that would cause?!?

And they were like, "Meh, too late. It's already done."

But to be honest, that's often the feeling I have when I've hit upon a story that's going to be hard and messy and challenging to write. And at the same time, those hard and challenging stories usually turn out to be the most interesting ones.

on the twists and turns:

So I asked her, Do you realize, this thing with Corbin might not work out, and you can't go back to Matt in the end if it doesn't? And she told me that she understood. And that she would rather live alone than live in a dead marriage, however it worked out.

A lot of questions I asked these characters turned out to be huge revelations in this process.

I asked Leila, Why didn't you go to college? And in that same piece, I also asked Matt, Why do you love her? And the told me, he didn't know.

I asked Leila, What is it that Corbin does for you that Matt can't?

I asked Matt, Why did you ask her to marry you in the first place?

And each of these questions I didn't know would be so important, but they were, and so revealing! The truth was laid out in their history the whole time, and all I had to do was ask the right questions and it came popping right out at me.

I'm sorry I couldn't figure out how to ask the right questions sooner.

Because that's the thing about first drafting (or let me rephrase that, the thing about *my* first drafting) is that I never know what story I'm writing until I'm well into it. When I first started this, early on in this, I had no idea what kind of story it would be. And because of that, in these first-draft blog stories, they sort of take on a life of their own. You and I and these characters, we're all learning and discovering all of this at the same time. (Okay, well maybe I get to be a few steps ahead of the game, lol!) But in general, I don't know how the story might end when I first start it, and that ending changes a few dozen times along the way, and I'm sure that must be maddening to read and experience.

on what it actually was:

But in another dimension, these characters could have told one of several dozen different stories. Maybe the one where a woman falls in love with another man and *doesn't* leave her husband, only to suffer in bitter silence? Or it could have been the one where a woman meets a mysterious crush, doesn't quite fall in love with him, but instead finds herself falling back in love with her husband? I thought it might be either of those stories, at one point or another, but instead, I started to see this story for what it really was.

It was quite an ordinary love story, actually. A woman falls in love with the second great love of her life.

You know, probably most of us don't marry our first love. The guy you were in love with in high school, at seventeen, or eighteen, did you marry him? I didn't marry mine. Most of the people I know didn't marry theirs. And that doesn't mean that first love wasn't real love, and it doesn't mean it wasn't special for what it was - it just maybe wasn't cut out to last. Of course, some people do marry that first love, and sometimes it works. I've written some of those stories too (Claire and Andy Bradshaw, Violet and Orion Deppiesse, and I know you all are hoping Dallas and Lucy might end up in this category, lol!).

The more time she and Corbin spent together, instead of finding it was just a surface-level infatuation, instead of finding it was just a crush, they actually found substance to hold on to. And a lot of it. They matched. They suited each other, and not just well, but almost perfectly. And it brought to light for her all the ways Matt didn't suit her, all the things she was missing in her life with him.

So then I saw this story for the glorious train wreck of a story it really was. What if a woman did marry that first love, the practice love? And what if in her case, he wasn't the one she was meant to grow old with? Then what if she still met her soul mate when she was older, the one she was meant to be with? What would she do? What would she do about those obligations and promises? About her family, her children, the future she promised that first love? Would it just be tough shit, and deal with the choices she made? Or would she have to make her apologies and change course? What would it be like for Matt to have an entire future wiped clean? And what would it be like for Leila to have to shoulder having caused that mess?

A lot of things could have happened that would have changed the outcome of this story. If she hadn't actually fallen for Corbin as much as she did, or if he hadn't loved her back, or if they hadn't been so right for each other, or so good for each other, then maybe her marriage with Matt could have been salvaged in the end.

But that's the thing about first-drafting, especially in these long and open-ended stories - I might have given the mistaken impression, early on, that this was going to be a certain kind of story, but then it turned out not to be after all. There are plenty of stories out there about troubled marriages where the woman falls back in love with her husband at the end, and they live happily ever after. This isn't one of them.

And I have to say that for me at least, this story has grown on me for the glorious train-wreck that it is, rather than what I thought it was going to be, and rather than what I know some of you wanted it to be. I held it up in front of my eyes, this terrible wreck of a story, and it wasn't black, and it wasn't white, but instead, it was the most beautiful shade of gray I'd ever seen. I tried to capture some of that gray in the ending here, but a lot of it will take more space and time to tell. But that's why it captured my heart, and why I wanted to let it be this beautiful shade of gray that it's meant to be.

I said this once before (I said it about people, but it applies to stories too, I suppose), and so I'll say it again: you can only be who you are, and own it, and love it. Some people will love you for it, and some people won't. But it's all you can do.

So if a story needs to be a beautiful train-wreck of a story, you just have to let it be. Some people will love it, and some people won't. But it's all you can do.

on what I did wrong:

I can't help but feel like I did some parts of this story really wrong. For one, I skipped over almost the entire phase of Corbin and Leila's whole friendship/flirtation in the LH version. So I tried to do the whole flashback thing in later stories, to show you some of what was missed the first time around. I'm not sure if that was a success or not. Maybe it worked. But point being, it didn't work as well as I think it could have.

And then I'd hinted far too subtly and for far too long about Matt and Leila's marriage, what was missing from it, and what had gone wrong. In fact, for probably 60% of the story, I didn't even know myself. It wasn't until late in the "fish and the bird" set that I tried to hint at some of these things, like how Matt was reacting more to the loss of her as "his wife" than losing her specifically as a person. Even then it was subtle though, and I guess sometimes subtle doesn't work, lol!

And really, how was I supposed to sell you on the fact that this woman is going to leave her husband, without either explaining what when wrong with her marriage, or what she saw in Corbin that made her realize it?

So really, I don't blame you all for feeling so frustrated over this one, lol!

who was the fish and who was the bird?

I think I said this once in the comments, maybe, but for anyone who missed it. For the record, Matt was the fish, and Leila was the bird. They genuinely loved each other, and they tried to live together, but each of them ended up "drowning" the other. So instead, they'll live alongside each other (and maybe even continue to love each other, in their own way), the fish in the water, and the bird in the air. With their three adorable little penguin children? lol!

on what comes next:

What you've seen here is sort of the prequel to what the novel will be about. There is a lot left of this story still, but it's not something I want to include in this blog anymore. It's too overpowering. It needs too much emotional space. And if I want to be truthful about it, it's going to be a dark and ugly story in places, and I really don't think it belongs here on the blog that way. I miss the light and fun shenanigans these LH families used to get up to, and the continuation of this story needs to be taken more seriously than that. It needs to be given the proper room to grow.

So that's what I'll do. I'm already first-drafting pieces of it, though the end product is still a long ways off. After first and second-drafting, beta-reading and editing and the whole ordeal, I think you'll probably be able to expect it in the summer or fall of 2014.

and some extras?!?

This was just a simple refresh for Jack and Nessa's bedroom, which I kind of liked, even despite it being so monotone, lol!

Guests at the party.

Ummm, random dude caught in the bathroom with the door open?

I think the expression on his face says it all.

This was one of the first test shots I did with them, not on the right property, but it was cute, so I saved it. Sim Corbin smiled like that all on his own once I got them posed and I was like, Awww. (I'm a dork, I know.)

This is why I feel so inclined to at least try a TS3 version of this hood. What's the point of building a seamless neighborhood like I have here, if the background buildings look so crappy?

My plans are to try that out this summer, by the way. I'll build some of the neighborhood, and try out some test Sims, and we can all decide whether they pass the test or not ;)

Background problems again in this one.

But mostly, just a random pose I found funny. Corbin seems quite content there with his hands full of ass!

Too many bedroom shots to include.

Strategically placed arms ;)

The End! (You know, kind of.)